Wednesday, 9 September 2009

Site Update: 09.09.2009 - "Oh, nine!"

I seem to post updates nearly weekly now! It's the APOCALYPSE!

Anyway, I thought that I might as well inform the few, the insane, the ones who bother to check my website even when I am not on my knees and asking them to while I'm unzipping their pants, of what I have been up to and what I would really like to be up to. Which is about 25cm.

Just this Tuesday I was actually going to make a vlog. A real vlog, with my webcam, show you my foxy face and charm all the ladies. Unfortunately, as I am hopefully going to mention in another vlog which won't have my face in it (instead I'll add in some random gameplay footage) that I intend to do nearer the weekend, my webcam I bought years ago is incompatible with Windows Vista.
I am not a rich person and I can not spend money on new cameras that might become useless toys upon the arrival of the next version of Microsoft Windows, so unless I find some way to force it into working I am not making any vlogs until the day I get rich. I hope that day is soon.
I could just take photos with my digital camera (it can record short bits of video, but they're also incompatible with everything) and make slideshows, but... I am no Lee from Still Gaming/Playing, I shouldn't forcefully try to be one.

The points I wanted to make in the vlog were as follows:

Surprisingly many and surprisingly intelligent people have been asking for more LPs, saying they enjoyed my loud frustration, pain and random silliness in games like Fahrenheit and Michigan. I am personally shocked to find that my unsmarty ramblings were actually amusing to some, and that my biggest fans WEREN'T some 11-year-olds who, despite their old age, act like halfwit monkeys on drugs.
That is why I am going to start LPeeing again more than ever, just as soon as I can bother (which is, most often, never). This revelation gave me strength and I don't care about the criticism of others anymore. If you are not aware, the most common messages that I remember from the time I uploaded the first videos with commentary (I could remember wrong, maybe people praised me) were either "you are ruining LPs with your boring jokes, horrible foreign accent and mumbling (you need subtitles and a script), amateurish gameplay and unedited loading screens" and "I used to like your videos but now I'm unsubbing 'cause you started talking".
I would be a liar if I said that I didn't care about some of those comments since I created the LetJohnnyPlay account just to avoid people constantly subscribing and then unsubscribing because they can't make up their minds on whether the commentary of Fahrenheit ruins the entirely 'silent' playthrough of Armed and Dangerous or not.

Anyway, long story short -too late- I am going to start making videos with commentary again with more spunk in me. And I don't mean I took it up the arse big time, I mean I'm not going to bother to be bothered by the occasional criticism. Other people who record themselves talking alone while they play retro games are not my boss, LPs are not my game and "fans" who can't tell if a video has commentary or not are not worthy of me.
From now on I will do "Fuckarounds" instead of "Let's Plays" and will upload them on my real channel instead of a hater-generated joke one.
"Fuckarounds", if you're interested to know, stands for Johnny Fox's Über-Awesome Craptastic Super Mega Art Master Piece Full of Great Gameplay and Intelligent Commentary Video Series.
And yes, the shortened title is misspelled a little.

And, a note on Oblivion: this game I wont treat like a Fuckaround (notice the absence of the word LP already), instead I will record and edit it like a walkthrough and write actual scripts that will not be commentary, but lines from the character. Oblivion is a real RPG with a mute character instead of a premade and -written person with a voice actor whose attributes you must fix a little every now and then so that he can make it through the prewritten storyline, so my voice fits the character perfectly. Hell, it IS me, so he can sound like a girl just like me.
Plus, it wont be all monologues and short quips since I have Bob with me.

Also, like I have told Neil already, I am planning on doing this little thing where I take some of the old and moldy videos of mine, watch them and record commentary over them. I thought I'd call it something completely original like "A Look Back". Suggestions for the videos I should watch would be appreciated, as I hate my work and have never watched any of the walkthroughs before. Ever.

Like all egomaniacs, I firmly believe that people are interested in my opinions, so I feel the need to force as much of my crap down their throats as possible while smiling with great pride. So, I want to be the ultimate judge on which video games people should buy and write some reviews.
I am a crap reviewer of things as some have already found out when reading my old, very old, hastily done, crappy, awful, childish reviews on GameSpot, and I can barely create a coherent sentence out of the colourful fragments in my brain, but still, I want to do them.
So, that's it. I will try and begin writing good reviews that I can then perhaps turn into better videos.

What I consider to be my strengths regarding video game reviewing are 1) the ability to show good quality footage of the video game in question. No need for a video of just me on my bed with my Jem-sheets and Jem-posters covering the walls, trying to tell you what's happening in the bright white square where the game might be playing.

2) I have played loads of different games from all ends of the spectrum. Good, bad, old, new, free, expensive, PC, console, shooter, platformer, driving, sports, mingame-based... all sorts, and I can PROVE it. There's about 3000 pieces of evidence to back me up, and time will tell that there will be another 3000 on the way. I have completed dozens of games with thousands of people watching.
I may even be better suited for sharing thoughts on games than some of these professional critics. Dear Lord, it seems they let anyone put up "educated opinions" on professional gaming sites and magazines these days, and if these balding fanboys and game trivia-masters can share their crap opinions for money, why couldn't I do it for free?

Lastly, 3) I am not a fanboy of any particular game or series of games and I have no respect for their creators. I enjoy games, I don't worship people behind them and I can bravely face the bad sides of my favourite games and tell the truth about who should play them. I love Red Dead Revolver so much that I list it as my favourite game of all time along with The Warriors, but I wouldn't recommend it for the averige gamer or advertise it as the best game ever.
I am also not really a console fanboy either. I own a PS3, but that was my choice and I don't go around insulting people who bought a 360. There are good and bad in both, and whenever I feel proud of of owning a PS3 while I spectate other people's debates, I acknowledge that I'm quite possibly biased and may have subconsciously missed some good statements from 360 gamers in order to protect my fragile psyche from further disappointments in life.

I had something else I wanted to mention real ba... oh, it hit me as I was just about to write that I couldn't remember it. Buggery. But you know what? Since I wrote so much already, I'll save it for later. Perhaps the vlog. Watch it.
Oh, and I really do appreciate the positive feedback on the things formerly known as LPs. Really, thanks.


  1. Very nice story, I hope you make a vlog sometime when the cam problem is fixed, I would really like to know what the face behind the games look like :o
    PS: did you know you forgot the d on "bad" in the last paragraph? and the comment button is not in english ;)

    ~tommie314101 (youtube)

  2. I left the d out because that's when my thought was cut and I realized I did infact remember what I was going to write about.

    I turned every language to English, but Blogger just fights back. I'll see if I can turn it to English for good.