Sunday, 22 April 2012

I am awful sorry

Sorry that for the last two months there hasn't been anything new posted here and that the last post posted was the usual not-very-entertaining-to-read crap I always write. And here I will go again and you can't stop me!

Two months... that's a long time when you think about it. A man could do a lot of interesting things in that time to later talk about on his blog, but unfortunately I don't know who that man is so I can't offer you an alternative to my blog.
After the previous post I bought and downloaded Evil Genius and Constructor on GOG.com. I don't like Constructor, but Evil Genius... man, that was the most fun video game I have played in a while. It's a base-building game with the emphasis on base-building, with everything about the game depending on your ability to build a base. I can't stress enough the importance of a well built base, because if you suck at designing and building bases, you won't like the game. Do you understand what I'm saying? Base. Building. You think Dungeon Keeper 1 or 2 were base-building  games? Nope, they weren't, not even close if you compare to Evil Genius. At least in DK2 the design of the lair didn't matter one bit just as long as you had enough rooms of certain type to get good minions for combat, and I played it like a 1st-person hack 'n slash game for the most part (it may have not been the intention of the developers), but in Evil Genius the design of the lair IS the game. I won't talk about it any more here because ever since I beat Evil genius the first time I've often felt like I need to replay it and I think I'll write a review of it when I do, so wait for that and remember to hold your breath for the best effect. I'm just sad it's not the kind of game that can be walkedthrough.
I also bought Call to Power 2 and I played it A LOT. It's like the Civilization series, only better in every way so screw you Civ fans! And then I've bought about... shit... 40 other games from GOG.com, not counting the individual games in the collections and bundles.

YES, I HAVE A PROBLEM! I have been telling you for years now that I have a problem with buying video games. I can't stop, I don't want to stop. I get so high off of new video games, they help me forget about this awful, sad, pathetic, depressing shithole of a world we live in.
And besides, almost all of the 45 items purchased have been during sales so I have actually SAVED money by spending it on games I will probably never have the time or interest to play.

But, seriously, I buy games on GOG.com so casually for several reasons that I actually think are very good. First, I appreciate what GOG.com stands for, DRM-free classics for equal prices all around the world with a ton of extra goodies packed in that you don't get these days even with the physical copies and the latest patches already installed and the games made to work with newer machines. For that GOG.com deserves my business, I want to support them. Alright, maybe I could help them out even more if I didn't wait for sales, but I am a cheap bastard and you can't weed it out from me.
Second, currently I am making all my money from video games, most of my freetime (I have nothing BUT freetime) is spent on video game related activities and I hope to continue spending a lot of my time with video games and video game related activities until I die, so why not buy video games in bunches with the money I make from video games now and prepare for the future? I'm making decent enough dough already and I'm not baking bread if you catch my meaning. More like making bread. Not baking, because, you know, not literal bread but money, and dough is also slang for money. Yeah, I'm witty like that. I should have my own column in a newspaper.
I also had third, fourth and fifth reasons, but I'm getting tired and bored here and the first reason I wrote is good enough on it's own to justify my spontaneous purchasing of large amounts of video games so I'll move on to talk about the games I have actually played.

I played Return to Krondor for 2 hours and it's boring. Don't think I'll ever give it another chance.
I played Robin Hood: The Legend of Sherwood with very high expectations because it's very similar to Desperados: Wanted Dead or Alive and the Commandos games, which I like immensely, but I was disappointed by it. It's also very buggy. I guess I could enjoy it if I really gave it a chance but right now I have several dozen other games to play.
I played Duke Nukem: Manhattan Project up until the first boss and it was kind of fun but I just didn't have the energy to continue. I was sort of hoping it would be good for walkingthrough, and I guess it might be, but not right now.
I played some of the original Alone in the Dark, but then I remembered that I don't actually like survival horror games. Then I was really shocked that I had actually bought The New Nightmare from GOG.com as well. Why did I buy it? Probably because I'm anticipating my genre taste to change in the future, and if and when I start craving for survival horror I'll have the Alone in the Dark series ready.
I also bought the Zork anthology and Grand Inquisitor because I have this morbid obsession with adventure games that require too much intellect and patience for me to actually ever finish them. So I played a bit of Zork: The Great Underground Empire with the intention of playing through the whole series (or the games I happen to have), but that plan died. People in the 70's might have had nothing better to do with their lives than typing random things into their computers in hopes of getting through short adventure games for points, but not me. Me, I'm a young, virile, wild-eyed anarchist tiger heading for Good-Time City on the Freedom bus to pick up broads and break the rules. That is, when I'm not sitting at home playing video games. I did play Zork for three days and got pretty far once I read the instructions to getting through the mazes online. Zork mazes are especially stupid because logic doesn't work when moving in Zork. If you go south, west and south, going back north, east and north does NOT get you back where you started, but infact possibly even deeper. And then you also have to go up when not prompted. Zork mazes take fucking hours to finish on your own even if you know before-hand that you can and have to move in three dimensions, which I didn't realise at first.
Anyway, I was just kidding (not about the mazes, though), I actually kind of liked Zork and do intend to play the rest of the games sometime soon since I already have them all installed. I stopped playing only because I had other things to do.

I also bought Minecraft. I like a lot of the additions that weren't in it back when I first played, but I think those two weeks I spent digging straight 2x6 tunnels deep underground while listening to the live D&D games on LordKat's stream really did it for me because I just can't stay interested in building crap for more than an hour at a time now. Also, playing Minecraft alone just seems pointless. I can build entire cities and it would still all just end with me alone wandering aimlessly past hundreds of hours of wasted time turned into stacks of blocks. I don't want to be that sad and miserable. Even I have standards.

Not all my new purchases have been downloadable games, though.
I bought Velvet Assassin because I like stealth games and it's a very polished and stylish little sneaker, if a little dull in it's linearity, but what I don't like is that it's a Steam game. I noticed after I brought it home that it's one of those "must connect to Steam in order to play" type of retail games. I hate that, because I like Steam even less now than before. Regional pricing for downloadable games? WHAT THE FUCK?! It's DOWNLOADABLE, there is no reason for regional pricing. Not even the regional prices of the physical copies can explain it because if you make the decision between physical copy and Steam download solely based on the price then you'll buy the Steam version regardless. Hell, you might as well just buy all these kinds of games straight from Steam since that's what you'll basically be doing with the physical copies anyway, never mind the price.
Alright, maybe it's not Steam that decides the pricing, but if a money-grubbing bastard publisher asks you to cheat more money out of people outside the US only because people are idiots and actually go along with it, you say NO because you have ethics. But Steam won't do that because then they'd be more respectable and make less profit, and that's not good. Profit, profit, profit. God damn you assholes, where's your spine!

I also bought Ghost Master, Ghost Recon and Mafia 2. I really like Mafia 2, it's a very good game that I will play again soon on my own (as soon as my mother has finished it and returned me my disc) and then soon after that a third time to record a walkthrough of it after I've finished the first Mafia.
I found Ghost Recon really boring and technically confusing.
Ghost Master... well, I really like the whole idea behind the game, I like some of the gameplay mechanics, I like the casual feel of the gameplay, I like the references and I just love the music, but even still it just doesn't do it for me. I can't quite put it into words what bugs me about the game even though it has to be something special since I like almost every aspect of it and should love the game as a whole as a result, but I don't. Spooky, isn't it. I wish Ghost Master 2 had been made, because most likely it would've been an amazing game. I think I will give Ghost Master another whirl someday, I've just been in a bad mood a lot lately, as you might have guessed from me not liking a lot of games I've played. I even got tired of Hitman: Blood Money at one point and that should be impossible, so a lot of the fault for games not entertaining me lately must be mine own.

I also had a birthday just last month. As presents I got Assassin's Creed: Revelations and a Donald Duck toy that's supposed to move with the power of sunlight, but all it really does is make this annoying high-pitched sound whenever there's any light, which is almost all the time. WEEE-uu.... WEE-uu...WEE-uuuu-up. Argh!
I haven't played AC: Revelations yet because I want to buy and play Brotherhood first. Oh, and if Brotherhood and Revelations are really good, I will break my promise of never playing the first Assassin's Creed again and go and record walkthroughs of all the games in the series. And AC3 is coming out soon as well, so I'll probably do that as well if my YouTube account stays up.

Because the most important thing about birthdays is getting a lot of presents, I went and bought myself a few as well. I got Saboteur, Saints Row 2, GTA: Episodes From Liberty City and Primal. Well thank you Johnny, you always remember my birthday and get me the best presents! You're so great, I love you. Take off your pants and let me g... uh... yeah, anyway.
Saboteur, fun game, and even better with the nudity DLC that turned free right before it was taken down. Yup, EA removed the DLC entirely and I nabbed it free right before it became unavailable at the start of this month. Ha ha ha, I bet you guys who paid for it back when it wasn't free feel pretty stupid now, right? Well, I suppose if you're willing to pay money for DLC just so you can see a couple of nipples in a video game you should feel pretty stupid all the time, huh. But hey, friend, don't be sad. Just think about those losers who buy Saboteur later and don't get the DLC AT ALL! But really, uncensored nipples and a chance to kiss some loose women to hide from the nazis is all the DLC really adds. EA really knows what people want, eh?
I hate EA. Just throwing that out there.

Saints Row 2, a really fun game and better than Saints Row the Third to a stupendous degree. I recommend playing it. I'm just sad they never released the first game for PS3, because now I can't record the trilogy.
GTA: Episodes From Liberty City, fun. Would've probably been better if the last time I played GTA IV hadn't been so many years ago, but I did still manage to catch on to where the storylines intertwined. A fun addition to GTA IV, good DLC.
Haven't played Primal yet and I don't know when I get around to. Don't even know if the game will play, it's scratched to hell, something's been spilled on the manual and the pages have been crumpled up and I'm not sure but I think there might be some mold on the cover... eww... how can some people be such dicks as to purposefully defile a perfectly good video game and then sell it to others, I'll never know. I also don't know why I bought it in such a condition. There's a lot of things I don't know, so what's new.

My mother just recently bought her own PS3 really cheap. She's already finished Red Dead Redemption and now she's getting through Mafia 2. She also bought Uncharted: Drake's Fortune with the PS3 and I've played it up till chapter 13. I have to say, and don't get mad at me here, but Uncharted: Drake's Fortune is really boring. Not a lot of going for the plot so far, the areas are dull and the gameplay has been all about shooting the same exact guys with the same exact guns over and over again in mostly very similar looking jungle areas. Okay, there's been a couple of short climbing sequences, two quick jetski rides and a short but action-packed jeep-chase to break the monotone, but it's not enough. Uncharted 2: Among Thieves was huge leap ahead in every meaningful way and I highly recommend buying Uncharted 2 and 3 if you haven't already, but Uncharted 1 might just kill your brain. I paused it in the middle of a firefight and for 10 minutes I had no thoughts going through my head whatsoever, it's that boring. When I finally snapped back to Earth I just had to quit playing to save my sanity.

Other than playing the aforementioned games, recording Thief: Deadly Shadows and Mafia very slowly, feeling like crap, turning 23, offering hurtful criticism wrapped in dry humour and sarcasm to my mom while she plays video games, catching up with Video Games AWESOME! playthroughs and watching a lot of Shitcase Cinema reviews, I haven't really done anything. That's my life in a nutshell, fortunately I'm not allergic to nuts.

With spring coming and the snows sloooooowly melting away I should become more energetic soon and then I think I'll use all that energy to do nothing but waste time writing blog posts and uploading video game videos on YouTube. At least I'm hoping that will be the case. I'm living the dream.

Now I think I'll go buy something new from this weekend's sale on GOG.com.

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