Saturday, 17 September 2011

Johnny Fox's Top Ten "Most Wanted" Games

Simple top ten lists made by all kinds of people about all types of things can be often seen all over the Internet, because making them is as easy as counting to ten and a lot of people over the age of six can do that. That's why I'll be doing one here and now, as I'm chronically lazy yet I still wish to keep updating my blog somewhat actively.
Still, there are some positive sides to a top ten list as well. When done with thought it can be ten little capsules of information in one big spoonful that helps explain something about a larger context, like a person's fascinations. Why not try and clarify my eccentric taste some with top ten lists, as I am the guy this blog is about and I do like talking about myself. And at least I'm not a preteen doing a 30 second video for YouTube about "the best horror films of all time" where the top spots are held by the Hostel, SAW and Scream films. Seriously kids, you suck! Stop sucking!

This particular list is about my "most wanted" videos games. It's perhaps even more pointless than simple "favourite" lists but may need a little bit more explaining. See, I'm not talking about games I'm looking forward to or hope are going to be made or games I can't afford to buy right now, I mean games that have been already released long ago that I just have serious trouble finding here and now. Games that I would most likely choose over a better game at a store even if the price was a little bit more than what I tend to pay for used games. Games that I may know nothing about, but desperately seek out so I can place them on my shelf and finish a "quest". It's one of the great joys of video gaming, searching for games to buy. It's why you call yourself a "collector" and not just a gamer.
I got the idea for this list when I realized that just recently two spots from this list were vacated when I bought some games I have been looking for for ages: BMX XXX and Giants: Citizen Kabuto. So, the point of this list is that I have some strange obsession over certain titles I sometimes know very little about, and I really can't say if many of these games are actually any good.

1. Urban Chaos, for the PC.
I think I found out about this game when it was a recommendation next to some shitty beat 'em game I was looking up on GameSpot, and it has been sitting at the top of my list ever since. I hear it's a beat'em up action adventure game with varying indepth sidemissions. And no, it has nothing to do with Urban Chaos: Riot Response, that one that's SWAT 4's inbred cousin.
I want the PC version specifically because I hear the console versions of this game suck tremendously.


2. Death to Spies: Moment of Truth, for the PC
I first heard about Death to Spies the same day I bought it. It's a Hitman-esque stealth-infiltration game where you play as a SMERSH operative in the second World War wearing disguises, strangling people in silence and spending hours upon hours replaying one single fucking mission because there's just too many regular sentries everywhere that prevent you from apprehending those damn snipers undetected. Well, Moment of Truth is the sequel to Death to Spies, and seeing how much I enjoyed the first one despite never finishing the stupid 8th level with even a hint of professionalism, and seeing how Hitman is one of my favourite series of games ever even if Death to Spies can't even compare to it, I really want this game. Want it bad.

3. Maximo vs Army of Zin, for the PS2
I had and still have the demo of Maximo vs Army of Zin on one of those PS2 demo discs that you most often got with larger gaming magazines and which I actually uploaded videos of on YouTube that one time years back, and the demo is what got me excited. Too bad I never found the damn game anywhere despite looking for it around when it was released.
All I know about Maximo vs Army of Zin is that it's a cartoony medieval action-adventure game starring the main character from Ghosts 'n Goblins, heart boxers and all, and that the demo rocks. I also know that there exists another, earlier 3rd-person Maximo game called "From Ghosts to Glory", and I suppose I want it as well even though it's title hasn't been burned into my brain that bad yet.


4. Desperados: Wanted Dead or Alive, for the PC
I got the demo disc for Desperados:WDoA from a Kellogg's cornflakes package a long time ago, and after I finally got a PC that met the system requirements a few years later I got hooked. I borrowed the full game from a friend once and even started recording a video walkthrough, but sadly Giovanni Vindigni, the guy who did the music for the game claimed copryight infringement and almost took my damn YouTube channel down. No, seriously, I know the differences between a regular notice, a video take-down notice and a "Your account is just about fucked" notice, believe you me.
Inspite of the game being really crappy, simple Commandos-type of isometric point-and-click strategy game taking place in the old west with laughable but supposedly serious voice acting, without any of the great features that I know at least make Commandos 2 so great, I still like it a lot and really want it sitting right smacking next to the even shittier sequel, Desperados 2: Cooper's Revenge that I bought in a fit of madness. Don't know much about the 3rd game in the series called Helldorado, other than that it allows you to cause an accident by sending a wagon into a watertower at some point, and I have little interest in it.


5. Judge Dredd: Dredd vs. Death, for the PC or PS2
I was a pretty big fan of Judge Dredd comics back when I was a kid. I accidentally stumbled across the  adult comics section of our local library one day and after finding that the stuff with sex and violence was better than most of the cookie mysteries found in the kids' section I started visiting the library regularly for the Judge Dredd comics, and occasionally a few other comics I was WAY too young to borrow but did anyway. I've even thought about buying Judge Dredd comics to fill my own shelves with several times but damn they're expensive, even in second-hand bookstores. I also liked the Judge Dredd movie when I was a kid and I still have it on VHS, but not even my childlike mind back then could believe it to be true to the source material. I just liked it as a funny Stallone film.
The reason I'm not talking about the game yet is that I know very little about it other than what the demo showed me, which was Judge Dredd shooting and arresting a few street thugs with incredibly iffy controls. But I want Judge Dredd: Dredd vs Death for PC or PS2 regardless. I have actually once heard a guy say that the game is awesome, but that was the one and only person I've ever heard of that actually played this game, so the credibility of that statement is suspect.

6. Stubbs the Zombie in Rebel Without a Pulse, for the PC
It's a 3rd person action adventure comedy game about a guy who died in the nineteenthirties and rises up as a zombie in I what I recall is sort of a futuristic fifties, and during his quest to cause massive chaos in the new modern city built over his resting place and turning the people there into zombies as a revenge for his death he also finds his old love and a long lost son.
I've seen the game played through twice, and I want it. For the PC, since I don't have an Xbox.


7. Jaws Unleashed, for the PS2
It's... uh... a game about a big killer shark terrorizing an island resort that was shaping up to be such a poor product that the creators decided to get the Jaws license to save what little there was to be milked out of the project. And I happen to be missing a game where you play as a killer shark from my shelf.

8. Messiah, for the PC
Messiah tells the at least partly comedic tale of a little cherub sent to the futuristic cyberpunk Earth by God to clean up sin and corruption, and it was developed by Shiny. Why wouldn't I want this game?
I still remember the first time I heard about Messiah. There was this television channel called MoonTV back then that had a lot of music and video game related shows, and sometimes they even showed things as simple as 15 minutes of unedited gameplay without adding any sort of commentary, and that's where I saw Messiah being played. And that's when I decided I'd want the game.

9. MDK, for the PC
Another comedic 3rd-person shooter Shiny title I think I saw being reviewed on MoonTV when I was a kid. You know it, I want it.








10. Dungeon Keeper 2, for the PC
Got a German ISO file of Dungeon Keeper 2 once just out of interest, and got hooked. I didn't understand a single word, it was prone to crash and the file was missing some textures apparently, but I liked the gameplay so much I still tried to play it. I did try the first game out as well, but it's not the one I fell in love with.
Sadly, though, DK2 is also the one game I have little chance to play again, for with a copy of Dungeon Keeper 2 I would also need a PC with a version of Windows that could play it. Oh, and I really want an actual existing physical copy, not a GOG download. Downloading isn't collecting.



Aaand that's about it. It's why this list sucks, I can't say much about many of these games for certain and so I can't say much at all. But hey, at least I have a new update on the blog. It's not like it matters what it is, nobody reads my posts anyway.
There are several other games I really want to get as well or I'm at least interested to learn more about, but these are what after some serious thinking seem to be my absolute most wanted.

Cover images from MobyGames.com

8 comments:

  1. Eh... I read, I'm just godawful at commenting.

    MDK, can't you pick that up at GOG.com on the supercheap?

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  2. Commenting is easy, you just write one word after another press "Post Comment". I learned it in only three weeks.

    I am thinking of buying some of these games online to play through, but that's not really the point. As a collector I want physical copies of them on my shelf, and that's what this list is largely about. I know GOG has Dungeon Keeper 2, Desperados:WDoA, MDK and Messiah, and Steam has Stubbs the Zombie I think, but I can't one day give my kid an old battered harddrive and say "Here's my game collection, isn't it fantastic?"

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  3. It's making those words before hitting the Post Comment button meaningful that takes talent though. I'm a lurker through and through.

    I can understand from a collector's standpoint wanting to own physical copies of the games, but I would never assume a child in X years time will ever want to play any of them. It'd be like that scene in Back to the Future II where Marty is kicking ass at the arcade machine and the kids are all: "Oh... that's a baby's game."

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  4. If my kids don't like my video games, they'll be grounded until they come into their senses.

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  5. I never did like MDK, I'd send you my copy if you lived closer hahaha ;)

    -Neal

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  6. Don't like MDK? But it's supposedly a cult classic Shiny game. I'm not sure but I think disliking Shiny games is punishable by law in some countries...

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  7. When have you known me to be wrong? But then again, it has been a while since I played it. Perhaps I should give it another go, maybe I'll do a review on it.

    -Neal

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  8. Never heard of some of these games, but a really cool list of games Jonny :) I checked out a few on youtube and I loled at Jaw Unleashed, such a random game I would like to see you do a let's play of that!

    - Gareth

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