JohnnyFox's NewsCast

Ehm... Trophies. Lots of 'em.
I aced all LBP levels some days ago and yesterday I collected all story level items.
Now I'm waiting for Hannes from Austria to get online so we can get on grinding levels in GTA IV multiplayer. The last trophy I'm missing is Wanted, awarded for reaching level 10. To reach level 10 you need 5 million dollars total. I have 320 000, and the fastest way to grind is to repeatedly play Hangman's NOOSE co-op on Hard.
That's 4500 dollars every 4 minutes if you hurry, when we count in loading times et cetera, and we assume you win every time which depends not only on your own level of skill but also your partner's skill.
That's 69,3 hours of gaming left for me to do. No bathroom breaks or meals or sleep or anything counted in, that's 70 hours of gaming you need to clock in on serious grinding. If you don't grind, naturally it takes a lot longer then and that number of hours is also the most optimistic possible, as like I said you must win Hangman's NOOSE every round.
I guess Bomb da Base II might be faster, with about 6,5 minutes a round and closer to 7000 dollars reward if I kill a lot of guys.

Yes, Rockstar fucked up. After I get Wanted and the Platinum trophy along with it, I am never ever never never ever going to touch GTA IV ever again. Might think twice before placing my money on GTA V after this life-waste, if GTA V has trophies as incredibly insanely stupid and badly designed.
If 70 hours of tedious grinding doesn't yet scare shit in your pants, consider the fact that I've invested nearly 100 hours into the game already, trying to score all the other trophies.

Some say the value of trophies is lessened when people find groups and organize online sessions to grind for trophies, but that is not the case with GTA IV. If you have the Wanted, Auf Wiedersehen Petrovic and especially the Platinum trophy, you've done something remarkably pointless and stupid but also notable. Getting AWP 'legit' is not only unimaginably difficult, but IMPOSSIBLE for a normal human in average conditions.

You don't play against mindless bots or anything, you're playing against PEOPLE, other people who also have played hours on end and can give you a fair challenge, and the condition of getting the trophy is WINNING in every single mode of gameplay. No, not just one win in a race and one in deathmatch and so on, you must win in every different track of every different race, meaning that you must organize games where you decide the game mode and track, mark which tracks you've won in (and being the only player left doesn't get you the trophy, so what with all the rage quitters you're bound to retry 20 times before you meet people who aren't poor losers) and do that for 10 hours straight IF you win in every mode first try. You wont.

Sure, it's not impossible to do it at all, given enough time even the crappiest player of all time gets 130 lucky breaks and wins against an opponent who suffers from narcolepsy and fell asleep before the finish line. Takes like 5 years, but still.
What makes it impossible is that the servers refresh stats. Yes, after some months, your 124 race wins are wiped and you need to redo it all. Also, I hear the servers don't always update the stats so you might win, but not have it recorded. Crazy.

So, that is why, when you ask me "Wow! You have Auf Wiedersehen Petrovic?! How'd you manage to get it?", I reply "The only way possible."

And yes, folks, I do have it.

Get your Portable ID!